


Until the Very End

by rensbloom



Category: Holby City
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, One Shot, sad but with a sorta happy ending, sorta redemption?, the holby writers really fucked up big time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rensbloom/pseuds/rensbloom
Summary: "I think I have to leave, Bernie. Every hospital corridor reminds me of you and the cruelty and pain and I just…I can’t bear it. I don’t think I can stay here in Holby anymore. I don’t think it has anything left for me."
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	Until the Very End

I wish it could have been different, Bernie. God, I’m so…I’m so sorry.

Ever since you’ve been gone…a part of me has felt completely empty. Dried up. Sick like a tree that’s been poisoned at the roots.

I can’t…I don’t even know what to say. The things I’ve said to Cameron. The way I’ve acted. I haven’t felt like myself. I don’t know who I am.

I was turning into a monster as it was…pushing you away, rejecting you. Now I’d give anything in the world – anything – to see you pushing baby Guinevere on a swing. To have you as part of my family again.

What was I thinking, Bernie? It was as though I was out of my mind. I know you still loved me…I still loved you…why couldn’t love have been enough?

I’ve become someone I don’t recognise…cruel, my warmth all turned to ice. Jason has told me so; I know Greta agrees. I know Cameron wonders now what you ever saw in me. I wonder it myself.

I think I have to leave, Bernie. Every hospital corridor reminds me of you and the cruelty and pain and I just…I can’t bear it. I don’t think I can stay here in Holby anymore. I don’t think it has anything left for me.

France was a beautiful place. Perhaps I’ll go back there. It might remind me of you too, but at least those memories will be of the good times. When we were happy together.

I can’t change what’s happened, my darling Bernie. I can’t bring you back – I wish so much that I could. But I can change the future. I can surround myself with something loving again. I can try to fix this horrible darkness that seems to have lodged itself in my heart, and I can try…I hope…to fall in love with this world again.

I know you’re always with me, despite it all. I don’t think I deserve it. I took you so much for granted, treated your soft kindness with such brutality. But I’m going to spend the rest of my days on this earth trying to be a woman that, if you were here, you would have been proud to love.

Now…I suppose I have a letter of resignation to write and a flight to book…

Thank you for everything, my sweet Bernie. I won’t ever forget. And I will always, always love you…until the very end.

**Author's Note:**

> Well! It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? I haven't posted on AO3 for... *checks notes* nearly 3 years?! Bloody hell.  
> Needless to say I slipped out of the Berena fandom for a while - I hated where it was going and how they were treating the characters. But over the last few months I've felt I wanted to post one more little fic to round off the storyline in my own mind. When I discovered what had actually happened in canon it made me feel genuinely sick. Serena saying to Cameron that Bernie deserved what she got?! That writer should be fired. AS IF she would ever have said that.  
> This, I hope, is a little closer to the Serena we knew and loved, and not the one the writers marmalised and threw in a dustbin along with our beloved Major Wolfe. Who knows, I may write a couple more that are canon-divergent just to make us all smile.  
> So much love to you all. Hope you enjoyed reading, even though it's sad and short and definitely not my best!  
> Berena deserved better.  
> Xo Ren


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